**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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