you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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