One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
