youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
