dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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