help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
