why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
