There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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