I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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