i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
