thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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