Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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