just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
