If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
me + whiskey = a bad person
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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