remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
