Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
