If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
