He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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