Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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