You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
