I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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