dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
love makes seman taste better
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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