My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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