he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
