He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
