The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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