I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
