I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
