..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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