If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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