Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
