he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you never un-have a 4some
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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