my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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