My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
