Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
