If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
