I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
