you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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