you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Girls should come with a carfax report
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
