You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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