Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
