no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
