mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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