My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
