im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
