sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
