Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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