I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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