What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
