There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
