nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
