this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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