matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
