woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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