I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
