Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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