I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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