Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
